The Lady ♥

Thursday, May 27, 2010 Y

I finally know how to felt like when all your hard work get thrown back at your face and hit you hard. It was a good Semester, and alot of high hopes. 1 module is all it takes to pull everything down with it.

The importance of 1 module...... Sigh. At that moment when you saw the results, you feel sad, angry, pissed, disappointed, even wanted to curse and swear(or did). Then comes the night... How it cleared your mind and make things more clearer to really think it, deep. It's not completely the lecturer's fault that things turned out like that, partly it's out fault as well. I must be crazy to say that, must be. Confirmed. Affirmative.

Still......... it really disappoints me that what I wanted to achieve this Semester was all gone because of the credits from 1 module. Just 1 is all it takes to pull every other 5 modules down with it. The power of 1. SHEESH! But what's done is done, can't change it, can't undo it. I expect things will STILL be the same even if I turn back the time.

It's the 1st time I let a grade affect me so much that I BLOG about it. Probably because I had high hopes. It's like what others say, "The more you hope, the more disappointed you'll get when you don't get what you hope for." Or is it "Bring your hopes up too high, when it falls it really falls hard." Either way, that's how I feel.

Y The Lady @
10:02 PM

Monday, May 17, 2010 Y

Numb3rs was great, and realized that I've watched about 10mins of it before on Channel 5, not knowing that it was Numb3rs that I was watching. I switched if off =X It was very different from CSI and Criminal Minds, it's kind of interesting to see Math (something that doesn't hold my interest), be used in a crime solving team which, ironically holds my interests and more! :p

***

Prior knowledge of being cheated and hurt by someone for years allows that person (the vic) to be blinded for life... It's a terrible thing to cheat and hurt, but it's part and parcel of life. So if I ever get in situations like this, I would want to escape to some deserted island, sipping soda, lying on the hammock gazing up at the stars, or watch the sunrise/sunset, with company, that'll be nice. :)

It made me think how easily people can be blinded because of what they have been through, went through... that after the years they are so blinded that they can no longer differentiate between the right and wrong. One will automatically take side of someone whom they don't know, just because the other party made them lost the trust. Even if that stranger is in the wrong, one will still think she is right. What in the world is this world coming to? Is it such a forceful impact that causes one to lost even one's right of judgement, one's thinking, one's sense of right and wrong??? I truly wonders.

***

A brick wall that was built over time due to multiple reasons. How to get rid of the wall? I have no idea. Sad thing was one knew how that wall was there, but there's simply no way to talk about it to demolish that wall without getting emotional. Because of the wall, it makes communication difficult, one can no longer look at the other party with the same attitude as in the past. Most still remains, but some things changed. It can never be how it used to be. People grow up, people change, can't expect every single thing to stay the same forever. Some things may stay the same, some may change. It's the course of how the world works. We gain some, we lose some; we love some, we hate some; we have some, we don't have some.

Y The Lady @
10:27 PM

Sunday, May 16, 2010 Y

Jazz softly played on my computer, the soft glow from the computer screen, a dim light on my cupboard, the humming of the fan and the company of a few bright stars in the clear night sky... Beautiful night~

Yet there is a sense of loneliness... Jazz songs can be romantic or orgasmic (as told by a friend), it sure brings different emotions to when you listen, where you listen and who you listen with.

Then the thought that Sunday has arrived drifted into my mind when I glanced at the desktop calendar, and my weekend is about gone. Yikes. How time flies :(

If time could stand still or just slow down during the weekends, that'll be lovely.

Y The Lady @
12:46 AM

Friday, May 07, 2010 Y

The thinker in me surfaced yet again in the lonely nights and days.. Pondering over millions of things, people. Simple things such as a hug, a night sky, fluffy white clouds or even the a recipe can make my thoughts link from A to Z and all over the place. Visited blogs from my list, and re read some of my previous posts, and once again the word "relationship" pops into view and floats into mind. The thinker in me took over......... feeling a sense of melancholy, but no depression.

Relationships end in many ways and due to many reasons. I never knew these reasons, I've only heard or seen as an observer. There can be countless reasons ranging from sadness to anger to hatred. Now I finally felt it personally. There's no happy ending to an end of a relationship, of any kind: Friendship or courtship.

One of the reasons for an ending is: Pain. The pain to know that what you want you will never get, the pain of knowing that letting go is the best choice for the other party, the pain of seeing what could have been and might have been knowing that it will never be, the pain of endless, countless, sleepless nights, the pain of enduring lonely times, the pain of seeing affection and love between strangers and feeling the same way but alone. The pain of knowing you haven't tried hard enough, the pain of saying "I can't take it anymore", the pain of imaging the possible outcomes when they can only be fantasy but not reality, the pain of seeing that person laugh and cry yet you can't be there to hug and kiss to share or make them all away. The pain of knowing that it could forever be like this. Pain... it ended relationships silently. It kills away the bond, slicing it bit by bit regardless of the laughter and love.

Yet among the pain, there is laughter and love. Love of the other person. You feel the pain because you love that someone, so dear and so true. You feel the pain because you had laughed with that someone through good and bad, happy and sad.

I've heard saying that 2 people who have truly loved each other can never be just friends when they crossed beyond the "friendship" and turned it into "courtship". Some may say it's possible but it's very difficult, some may agree that it's impossible. I happen to be the one that falls in the 2nd category. To me, you have loved that someone so deeply, and to end the relationship to once again become friends, there would be a sense of melancholy between, even if it is possible. Things can't go back the way they used to, the memories of being in love will always be around.

Knowing this, I find myself smiling... To know that you have loved someone deeply and have been loved back. Letting go was a choice made because of the pain, and no contact was because there had been love. Though such relationship has ended, but it ended with no regrets of loving whole-heartedly. The only regret was to choose to end it.

But sometimes, regardless of how powerful love is, some choices are beyond our control. Sad but true. But why dwell in the "what might have been/could have been" and feel sad, when we could look back at the fond memories and feel contented that they will forever be part of our life, our memory, and last as long as we shall live.

Y The Lady @
8:35 PM

Thursday, May 06, 2010 Y

If my life were like the clear blue sky, you would be the clouds.
Pieces of you etched across my life, so clear and distinct.
Sometimes it may be blurred, or float to disappear,
But they would always be part of my life for me to see.
It may be invisible to the naked eyes, but I'll always know.
Part of you has been part of me, and they forever will.

You're just like the clouds in the sky, so near yet so far.
I see you with my eyes, but I can't hold you in my arms.
You roam free from inhibitions, from the shackles of life.
Looking down from above, always far yet always near.

Gazing up the afternoon sky with the lazy drift of the clouds,
My mind turns blank and so does my heart.
Things seem to move in slow motion and nothing ever matters,
Not even the music in my ears or the gravel on the road.
Just watching the clouds slowly drift away from the cluster made me wish I could be like them.
Drifting high up in the sky watching over you and will always do and always will.

I wish I could be like the clouds, roam free from everything.
Be part of the sky, but never be one with it.
Just like how you are part of my life, but will never be one with it.
That's how we have been and how we will be, sadly but it's true.

Not a poem, just thoughts from my mind during my bus ride to the US Embassy...... I've let go, we've talked, we agreed. And suddenly a heavy tension lifted from my heart. :)

Y The Lady @
11:34 PM

Saturday, May 01, 2010 Y

Haven't been blogging... So here's something random.

I'm so addicted to WoW. There's a period of time where it was so slow that I wanted to stop playing... But then somehow or rather the more I play the more levels I upped and the more excited I became. Now I'm level 57, with about 10% to level 58.. Woohoo~ 2 more levels and I can enter the Burning Crusade key code ^_^

May's here, and I know what I'm supposed to pack for Boston, but just haven't really started packing yet....... Student Visa was like a roller coaster ride, geez.. Don't wanna talk about it.

Hm... going back to SL again after being MIA for months... Still working there at SLNE as Wyatt Carter, and dancing at Sweetheart Jazz as Janice Audion. Met up with old friends and made some new ones, pretty cool... Somehow I'm back to the "old" games that I play.

Y The Lady @
11:37 AM