The Lady ♥

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 Y

These days I tried to keep someone out of my head as hard as I can, cos gotta stay focus on tasks at hand...Which is to study e toughest course in NP...But it's nt working :'( Still keeps thinking abt him. Esp during lectures which I'm bored, my mind would wander to his face, his smile, his emails, his words...The more I think, the more I miss him. When he's finally on MSN, I kept quiet, and he kept quiet, i would stare at his face and think of him again... Until it's time for either me or him to go, we'll juz say ''bye baby'' or ''bye babe''... :( Seems like we ran out of words to say...and e dist btw us is growing wider and wider each day.

He's been away for some time,he told me that beforehand that he'll be away...I understand he has a job to do. He understands I hav my studies to pursue. No pressure was given to either of us by either of us. It was quite fine for me to get him out of my head during the time when he was MIA, but then when I was abt to give up on tis relationship(u can imagine how long e MIA was), he reappeared and sent me msges...All the longing, all the pining, all e loving, all e missing came back in an instant. Juz when i was abt to succeed in getting rid of his face off my mind, everyday came back to me like Tsunami - Strong! Powerful! Quick! Everything came crashing back into my heart, my mind, my soul.

I was always wondering if starting tis relationship is rite in e 1st place or nt. We're pratically halfway round e globe apart, and he has is life, i have mine. He's dedicated to his work, I'm dedicated to my studies...That' something abt him which I love. But sometimes he over-dedicated and went completely MIA. I hav no clue wad he's thinking, but he always seems to know whether if I'm busy or nt, wheter I want to talk to him or do i hav something more impt on hand or nt juz by my words shown on e MSN Chat Box. As if he could sense it in him...Sigh... I had an opinion from 1 of my best pals, she advice me to drop tis relationship when neither of us is sinking in too deep. This relationship can b describe as a LOVE-HATE Relationship. I love him and Love to be with him, But I hate how this Loving process is torturing me and keeping me off-focus on my journey and studies.

Juz by thinking of him and waiting for his appearance or reply is torturous enough, but everyday I'll always secretly wish that he's on, even for a min or 2...When ur in a situation like me(2 ppl half e world apart), even a min is priceless. Sigh...I still love him, it wasnt a moment of folly in my part. I juz wish that he would express out hw he's feeling to me, and let me know t wasnt a moment of folly in his part to request to start tis relationship wif me. He's e 1st to make me have the sense of reassurance, but the things he did...it's depleting e reassurance... :'(

Y The Lady @
8:06 PM